It started when I decided to change web hosts.
What should have been a simple process of moving content from one host to another was…markedly less than simple. I wish I could tell you what happened. Something about SQL databases, backup files, and servers. After two weeks of tech support tickets with no solutions, I wondered:
Would it really be so bad to start from scratch?
It reminded me of the final scenes of Iron Man 3. Tony Stark, driven mad by obsessive-compulsive hero antics, realizes he has outgrown his army of iron suits. To prove he will no longer allow his fears to distract him from life, he orders his computer butler, JARVIS, to enact a “Clean Slate Protocol” and Tony’s iron suits are blown to bits. In the closing montage, we see Tony finally remove the shrapnel and arch reactor (which protected his heart from the shrapnel and powered his iron suits) as he makes the following observations via voice over:
My armor was never a distraction or a hobby. It was a cocoon. And now, I’m a changed man. You can take away my house; all my tricks and toys. One thing you can’t take away–I am Iron Man.
When I turned 31, my astrologer charged me to “eliminate psychic garbage and embrace radical transformation” and I’ve done my due diligence. I got rid of my apartment (which was draining me financially), my old job (which was triggering daily anxiety attacks and psychosomatic body aches), and a romantic preoccupation gone sour. Yet with all the transformation, I felt tied to the stories I’d told about my life over the last eight years. Year 32 should be one of curiosity and exploration, but I can’t move forward without blowing up my mythology. My mishap with website migration was my Clean Slate Protocol.
I’m ready to tell new stories. The old ones had to go.*
*By ‘go,’ I mean “be edited and compiled into an essay collection, Confessions of a Skinny Black Girl, available for purchase *prayerfully* in time for my birthday on October 9th.” After all this time, I’m finally getting around to that whole book thing.