Wait. I’m Finna be HOW OLD?!

Today is my half-birthday.

Yes, I’m one of those people.

Since getting into astrology, I use my solar return (birthday) to mark passages of time, observe themes for every year, and (if I’m in the rare planning mood) plot out big moves/decisions. Every quarter season (Capricorn, Aries, and Cancer), I review my birthday notes and compare them to what I’ve felt/experienced since then.

I started this year with transformation in mind, specifically in how I perceive, consume, and communicate information and how I use my creative energy. I felt more serious-minded; more blunt, less tolerant of what I don’t enjoy, and in purge-mode. Finally, I knew better than to plan anything. There’s energy around the unknown and the unexpected, which is why I’ve been less proactive and more “Okay, let’s see what happens here.”

My theme for the last six months: “I ain’t got it.”

If it’s unnecessary or un-fun, I don’t want to do it. I do not want to repeat myself. I do not care about idle gossip and find it harder to “nod, smile, and hope the subject changes” through in-depth analysis of celebrities’ lives. I am not interested in the latest social media trends people use to feel better about themselves. I do not want to spend another moment analyzing “why do men…” or “does he…” I do not wish to explain my desires and lifestyle choices. I do not feel like “pushing” myself creatively by forcing out words when the magic isn’t there. I cannot stand to absorb one more empty-headed motivational platitude about passions, dreams, and best lives.

It’s not that I have “better things to do” than be bothered. To quote Beanie Sigel, I don’t do much. I’m not “too busy” hustling, dream chasing, or being my best self.

Six months from thirty-five*, here is the simple truth: I do not want to be bothered. I’m physically, mentally, and emotionally incapable of being bothered.

And I don’t feel bad about it. Not one bit.

[*] Wait. I’m finna be HOW OLD?!

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