I fell off the wagon.
I eased back into my Twitter habit. I’m better at logging off when annoyed and not engaging in circle jerk conversations, but still spend an indefensible amount of time mindlessly refreshing my timeline. I created a new Pinterest account (do you know how hard it is to collect recipes or images for style boards without one?).
Before I knew it, I’d traveled a full 360 degrees on my habits.
Two astrological retrogrades speak to this: Jupiter and Saturn.
Last fall, Jupiter entered Scorpio with an ultralight beam illuminating how I perceive the world and communicate. Whatever lived under the carpets of my psyche laid bare before me. I questioned how much of my thinking and priorities were my own. When Saturn rolled into Capricorn, helping me examine the usefulness of my hobbies and creative output, it became clear that my social media habits needed a re-do. Ten years ago, I got on the Internet to express myself (blog) and stay connected with friends. Not to have my identity shaped around hashtags and “5 ways to…” listicles.
You know how this went. I ranted. Did a good Twitter detox. Stopped looking at Google-powered feeds that showed me a world curated on “likes.” Started getting my news from basic, boring sources like USA Today. Where I once mindlessly used the Internet, I wasn’t asleep anymore. Dare we say, I was “woke.” In complete control of my vices.
I got comfortable enough that I could expose myself to said vices without being ruled by them. Or so I thought.
The backsliding started when Jupiter went into retrograde. Saturn followed. Retrogrades are for revisiting. I didn’t realize it, but my behavior did just that. “Those decisions we made about how we wanted to use the digital world; are they realistic? Are they tenable? Is this about de-programming ourselves or appearing de-programmed?”
Perhaps my mistake was thinking I could resolve these questions once and for all. Technology and social media are constantly evolving. I may never have a firm approach to any of it.
Maybe the best I can do is continue to stop, breathe, and question.