So Far…

Here’s what 35 has been so far…

Big, bad thing that threw a wrench in my financial plans for the next year.

No, I’m not gonna tell you guys what it is. This isn’t 2008.

Just know I’m back to hating goals and plans and have resolved to focus on minding my daily Ps and Qs because anything beyond that is a fucking crap shoot.

What else? Ah. A renewed focus on journaling. Last week, I was annoyed at stupid takes on my Twitter timeline and ranted in my journal. You know what I realized? Constantly communicating with an audience in mind has blunted my honesty–even when I’m talking to myself. As much as I’ve missed seeing craft elements in my writing, I could use a dose of…me. Whatever I sound like before I start anticipating who will read what and share it with whom. So writing right now is journaling. No prompts. No “practice.” No special techniques. Just reacquainting myself with my unfiltered mind.

There’s a new [to me] car. It’s the third car I’ve owned in my adult life (I was a late bloomer when it came to driving–Third House Saturn problems), but the first that’s ever felt like me. It’s red. And whew. As much as I loved not having a car note, I did not love driving my hunk of 2009-and-no-bluetooth-junk. I greet this new car every morning with a smile and a cheerful “Heeeeey, Baby Red.” Can you tell I love this car?

I don’t know what the fuck will happen in the election in the next two weeks. No one does. That’s why we vote. I understand being realistic (I’m a borderline pessimist), but I don’t trust “realism” that talks folks out of taking any action because “nothing matters.” You don’t know if it matters because the future hasn’t happened yet. Instead of trying to predict every single outcome, perhaps try to influence it.

In other words: just fucking vote.

I’ve said this on Twitter, Instagram, and in my text messages. I’ll say it here: Ella Mai’s album is better than I thought it would be. I expected more mermaid-sounds-and-vibes R&B, and she delivered a nice blend of classic and current sounds. My favorite tracks include “Shot Clock,” “Everything” featuring John Legend, and “Own It,” which samples Adina Howard’s “T-Shirt and Panties.” I was even inspired to find out the big deal behind “Trip” and the Jacquees version that was pulled from the internet because blah blah blah. Both versions of the song knock. (LOOK AT ME NOT BEING AN OLD, CROTCHETY MUSIC CONSUMER, GUYS.)

You know what happens when you make “goals” of strangers’ lives? You’re really upset when their reality doesn’t meet your expectations. I don’t know. Maybe relationships are more complex than memes and interview blurbs and shouldn’t be put on a pedestal. And PERHAPS you shouldn’t project your romantic hopes and dreams on people you don’t even know.

Just a suggestion.

Current soundtrack: “Good Kid Brass City” – Brasstracks

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