One of my aims for #TheMagicYear is “stop trying.” There is a need for validation lurking in my subconscious. I’m digging into it and at the root is a lack of certainty. I don’t know that anything exists (including myself) unless it is reflected in a physical, material way. Being prone to anxiety and depression, deciphering intuition from delusion is so tedious a task, I rely on what I can touch, see and feel to determine truth. (Even when I see things, I’m not certain I’m seeing them correctly.) So I’m constantly double-checking; seeking confirmation that I’m right, that I’m real, that I’m portraying myself the way I wish to be seen.
If this sounds exhausting at all, that’s because it is.